bad days

before reading, be warned that Reason has taken a day trip and left me. we parted amicably for a while. We both needed a break from each other. Ms. Nice Gal went with Reason. Of course, my mom may read this, though I don't think she remembers how to get here, but Ms. NG left a note that she may stop by...but sometimes Ms. Nice Gal doesn't have a clue. oh, yeah, Ms. Nice Gal is the one who doesn't swear. but I never claimed I don't-just not like i did when i made sunrooms with a bunch of guys.

I am having a I hate Korea day. It will pass. it better pass.

don't care if i am an english teacher today. punctuation, spelling, the impulse to correct runon sentences and all that crap can take the back seat on shitty days. hell, they can walk. i do. the three month slump has hit with ha vengeance. PMS is kicking my ass. if you're a guy reading this, too bad. not that it matters. my regular readers are few, but htey are welcome to leave comments-as all can now do by hitting the comments button. that way i know who stops by. (Edited because my little big sis Bridget does stop by, but I didn't know until noe). no one calls. nope, i have to foot the international phone bill if i want to hear a friendly voice. come on people, is that anyway to treat family?

i can't read the bill. the people at the bank are laughing and the companies are ripping me off charging more than they promised. the koreans that i know and can ask for help seem to be such pushovers they don't seem to expect the company to abide by their promises. what the hell? it's cultural. koreans pay more for stuff here than we pay for the same shit back home in walmart. i have no sympathy, and it's my blog so i'll cry if i want to. you know the tune.

dana-i don't think you will ever read this but, i wrote back, but it was carthatic and you lowered yourself below receiving the well considered response that actually took your feelings into consideration. btw, don't ever tell me you love me in christ-christ does not love people like that-he treated people with respect. to him, their feelings and their souls mattered more than his own desires. he did not respond in anger and he knew people made mistakes. i know i do. but your email implies that you don't care what i think. if some one offers you something thinking you will appreciate it, maybe you should appreciate the thought behind it. i appreciated what you did for me, and tried to pay or do something there because i knew it would be harder once i got here. maybe you don't realize that i can't have a real conversation at the post office. hell, it took me 2 months to find out where the closest one was-my friends used to go half way across town. maybe if someone tells you something doesn't exist in a country because an entire people don't want to wear clothes with their own language on it, and maybe, if you haven't spent any real time there, your should accept that some one who, at the time believing she was still your friend was telling you the truth because she cared about you. i could emphasize past tense, but i do hope you find friends that you think are worthy of you and will treat you as you treat them. obviously you don't think i am worthy of you. after that email, i agree. i don't deserve swearing, disrespect, defamation of my character and insults to my family. DO NOT EVER DISRESPECT MY FAMILY LIKE THAT. Anyone who thinks they can be that way about my family can get the frack outta my life.

if there is one thing i have learned in this world, it is the only ones you stand a chance of keeping close, who might love you, and have your best interest at heart your whole life are the family members you work to maintain a relationship with (including the inlaws that are like blood, the adopted swedish ones, the newly discovered ones or others). there are those in my family who don't, but my brothers and sisters an my mom-just don't go there. EVER. I love my family more than anything and everything, myself included. they are more important than anything to me. if you ever read this i'm sure you can infer what i think of your opinion. no one who loves christ or claims they love christ writes opinions in emails like that no matter how bad they are hating. and opinion it is, not fact. you should film yourself when you are drunk and pole dancing and swearing on your phone or at people who thought you were a friend. do that while you proclaim to love jesus. there are reasons i keep my faith intensely private and do not publicly call myself a christian. it's not shame, it's respect. i don't like organized religion. it inevitably screws up and organized religion screwed me up for many years. i don't live my life by scriptures perse, but i remember those that tried to teach me how to be good and true. i know there is something out there bigger than me. i don't know exactly what it is, but i pray to god because it is a good name. maybe he doesn't hear me or care. maybe because i use the wrong label i don't count. no matter what is beyond this, i try to live my life right and i screw up. everybody does. and i don't want anyone to ever look at me and think i am bad representation of the beliefs of an entire group of people, most of whom are good people.

when my frontal lobe kicks in again, this may be edited or deleted. how about a vote for whether honesty should stand in all it's starkness? Bridgett, my dear, that would be you. Ja/Nine? (nien?)

My third graders may soon find themselves strangled (not all of them, just most) or without an auction. possibly both. they refuse to behave like members of the human race despite either rewards or punishment, such as I am allowed to mete out (not much). there are a few repeat offenders that i would like to ban from class. perhaps i will. and tell them that they are still responsible for the material. not that it matters. in this crazy country, children are not held back-even the kids who do not fill out their tests at all! that's right folks, you can get an absolute zero and still pass through to the next grade with all the pomp and circumstance that koreans may see fit to shower there over indulged children with. And yes, overindulged. Insanely expensive ($400) cell phones are treated like toys. A teacher here even said that-that cellphones are like toys for kids. and they are sooo much more expensive than back home. which is why i have stuck with the free korean script only one that a coworker so kindly gave me. I can barely use it at all, but it was free. i may break down eventually,if i can find a place that will bybass the usual descrimination that demands that foreigners not be given anything nice, like cable, cell phones of a certain caliber, etc.

A more balanced post, or one that highlights something good may follow later. Uuh, I am saving more than back in the US. i thought i was going to add cheap killer internet, but even though mine has never gone down, it is just as expensive as back home. well, mine is. Eddie pays less and so do ralph and anna. go figure.

Reason may return later, but a shite stout and a couple of coronas have just stopped in. I wouldn't want to be a bad hostess, so i shall see if i will add anything to my liquid dinner. wish guiness would make an appearance. that would be brilliant. but my digs are pretty low rent for the cristal of beers. i had a brief talk with guiness at U2 bar a while back, but next time i think a nice GI will have to make introductions. It is a true tragedy that Young's Double Chocolate Stout does not even seem to know that South Korea exists. I think I shall introduce the shite stout to bacon and eggs and tabasco, my staple dinner since I can't get good korean delivered in the sticks, and I can't read the labels at the store too well. getting better..

i have an invite to go to costco in seoul tomorrow. i want to go just to check it out. i also have an invite to outback, time TBD, and they may conflict. both are expensive propositions. i also have to do a detailed (read minute by minute) lesson plan for my least favorite 2nd grade class, TIPS, which is based on a really shitty korean book that masquarades as a social studies type book that is (to my misfortune) incorrectly classified as science. this detailed plan is for the benefit of the parents of my little lovelies-2nd grade. Mostly moms come to observe. perhaps i will do everything i planned this weekend and pull one out of you know where sunday nite, since it is a given that it will be wrong and require many do-overs. anyway. you are probably tired of my rant. to be honest though, if I had a tub, some epsom salts, real pizza, and a BIGASS hug, i'd be so much better. but i will be ok. i have been through worse and pulled through it.

hey, somebody in the family, call me, ok? IT'S YOUR TURN. I sent the number, but if you need it again, just email me. and send deoderant-preferably tom's all natural lavendar, assuming mom hasn't. i asked, but i don't know if she remembered. iam trying to order yarn online and i will send it to you teri, if i do, because mom forget's about the packages. and you are closer to the post office. ok, enough rambling. i am going to sign off and see about food. i wish my fucking school wasn't so cheap and left us out here in the sticks so i could get delivery (not to mention the bus fare and higher utilities). food...and drink and knitting and comfort tv. all will be well. I have bigger 'wish list' but the shite is gone now and the corona and i are becoming acquainted. time to go..........